Blogger of the Lost

By Christine Sikorski

When I came to Creation I had two external motivators: Wade Baker and the ever-amazing Relient K.  Let me just put it this way, I’m getting more out of this trip than I signed up for, and honestly, I’m ok with that.   Up until now I’ve been holding in a lot of resentment and anger towards God.  I’ve been holding alot of self-doubt and confusion inside my head.  I had decided that being who I wanted to be was too difficult and that my mind was going to control me forever.  I was afraid of being lost forever. My questions were ‘How could God love me for all the horrible, horrible things I have done?” and “How can I stop making things difficult, loosen up, and be the person that God wants me to be?”.  I had been praying on-and-off for God to help me.  I had already told him I was broken, but I didn’t know where to go from there.  I was wandering, I was lost.  According to Bob Lenz, the word “lost” comes from the word “treasure”. Jesus loves the lost, the broken, and the sick.  He uses them to be the leaders of those that are stronger.  My changing moment at Creation was when I heard Joyce Meyers speak.  I had her books and I’d seen her shows, but I just wasn’t feeling the words that she was speaking.  Last night she spoke to the over-achiever in me, she said “You can’t do everything, but you can do something”.  My entire life I have tried to take on the world, but I had forgotten to help myself and love myself.  I was trying to be the person everyone else wanted me to be.  Last night, I asked myself the question, “What is there to not like about me, why am I so unhappy?” and it hit me, I’m not a bad person.  And at that moment, I realized that the shell of insecurity was beginning to crack.  I’ve heard is before and this time I’m going to give it a shot.  I’m going to go back to Williamstown and I am going to find myself through helping others.  I want to put smiles on people’s faces.  I want to live.  I want to be truly happy, and Jesus is going to fill the void in my soul.